“Be who you is, cause if you ain’t who you is, you is who you ain’t.”

     Returning from a morning of salt-water fishing at Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina, my brother hauled in an armload of silvery specimens. Laying them on the kitchen counter, he asked his wife if she would clean the fish. He was eager to return to the salty waters and haul in another load! His wife’s eyes widened at the massive mound, but no stranger to work, she said: “No problem”.

     As soon as his truck left the driveway, my brother’s wife pulled upon every bit of ingenuity she had. Reaching for the phone book, she called the local seafood market. I’m certain, the owner of the market received a request he had never heard, nor has heard since.

     “If I bake you a pecan pie, would you clean a load of fish for me?”

     “How many fish you got?” the owner asked. After giving him an estimated figure the owner said, “Sure, bring them on down!”

     My brother’s wife whipped up a couple of her signature pecan pies, swept up the stack of fish, and headed for the seafood market. True to his word, the seafood market owner cleaned the load of fish. With a wide grin, he accepted his prize— two pecan pies still warm from the oven, and turned towards the back of the store.

     “Wait a minute!” my sister-in-law demanded. He turned pies in hand, and asked: “What else can I do for you?”

     “Give me the guts!” she asserted.

     “The guts?”

     “Yeah, I want them all!   Innards, heads, tails, eyeballs…the guts!”

The owner bagged up the guts and my sister-in-law headed home. 

     Later that evening my brother arrived home from his second go-round of fishing. Expecting to see his wife still at work cleaning the first massive load of fish, he was surprised to see row upon row of beautifully filleted fish upon the kitchen counter. He looked closer. In his mind, he was thinking, “Man, I can’t clean fish that good!”

     “Did you clean all these fish?” he incredulously asked.

     “Yeah!” she declared. “There’s the proof…right there in the trash…see all those guts!”

     My brother looked at the guts, then back at the display of fish, filleted to perfection. Again, he walked over to the trash, stared at the massive mound of guts, and once more gazed at the professionally gutted specimens from his morning catch. Shaking his head, he had all of his fishing buddies come in the kitchen to see the incredible work his wife had done! For the next few months every time a neighbor, friend, or family member came by, he bragged on his wife’s amazing fish cleaning prowess!

     For three months, she had him going. And Why Not!

     After all, she had the Guts…. She got the Glory!

     How?

     By doing what she did best! 

     Suppose my sister-in-law in the above story had chosen to clean the fish. When her husband arrived home, she would probably have been exhausted. This could have led to a verbal battle with her husband about who was doing the most work around the house. She might have felt like a martyr, for here she was stuck at home while her husband was out having fun. And the seafood market owner? He would have had another humdrum day at the market, minus a phenomenal pecan pie. AND…neither you, nor I  would be reading this story!

     The best gift you and I offer our spouses, children, siblings, friends, and co-workers is to be true to who we are. It’s essentially accepting and being authentic to the unique person God made us. Yet, being authentic requires massive doses of courage. 

     In the article, “Top Five Regrets of the Dying”, Australian author, Bronnie Ware, speaks of her work in palliative care. Her patients were those who had gone home to die. She was with them in the last three to twelve weeks of their life. When questioned about any regrets they had, one of the most common was:

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”  

Another common wish:

“I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

And a surprisingly common one:

“I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

     When you and I live authentically, we make space for ourselves in our own lives. It’s a form of self-care. Courage will be required. Yet, as the saying goes:

“Courage is fear that has said it’s prayers.” Dorothy Bernard

Take a break here and ask yourself which area of life is it hardest 
for you to be authentic:

With a family member?
Expressing personal preferences?
In your work?
Other?

 

     One of my most courageous design clients moved here from up north. She lived in a very traditional Southern neighborhood, where all her neighbors’ homes had formal dining rooms. “Would it be alright, if I turned my dining room into a billiards room?” she hesitantly asked. “My husband and boys love to play pool.” The dining room was the first room you saw as you entered her foyer. “Absolutely I told her!” And we did.

     Perhaps you remember the classic children’s novel, The Velveteen Rabbit. It’s a tale of a stuffed rabbit and his quest to become real through the love of his owner. Perhaps that little rabbit knew the secret to becoming real that we tend to overlook. He looked to the love of his owner for courage and strength. We need God to pour out His love into us; into all the empty places. Into all the places we’re afraid to be authentic and true to how he made us.

     Nick Vujicic, born without arms and legs would affirm: “As humans, we continually put limits on ourselves for no reason. What’s worse is that we put limits on God who can do all things”

     Becoming authentic is not easy. Our family, friends, and co-workers may not understand. They may laugh at us, even initially reject us—possibly even ignore us. Yet, the world groans for that which is bona fide, genuine, reliable and true.  “Be who you is, cause if you ain’t who you is, you is who you ain’t.” These words of wisdom from an older minister were given to a freshly minted seminary student, buckling under pressures and expectations of his congregation. 

 
So Stay True...

     Tolstoy remarks: “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” Changing ourselves may boil down to getting authentic. To staying true to who God made us.  

     As you set goals, whether personal or business, set a goal to be genuine and real. Not just with others, yet also to yourself. Be true to your strengths, focusing on what you do best. Be true to the time you choose to give to your home, family and friends. Be honest with your preferences at work and at home. Be true to your energy level and anything that concerns your health. As the late Jim Rohn says: “If you take care of you for me, I’ll take care of me for you.” 

     As you exercise the muscle of authenticity, you will magnify courage within that will help you, your family and the people in your circle of influence to— have experiences and feelings that go beyond the drudgery of day-to-day existence. You just might change the world.

And in the meantime, you get your life back.

Friends, will we take it to heart?!

Your Friend,

Libba

 I am absolutely convinced  journaling can change your life. For help getting started visit our Dollar Download Center for a PDF file, created out of Libba's 21 years of journaling. 2-page journal with questions to prompt:

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